Ask Gary Van Meowski: Dog Jog Edition!

Ask Gary

Hello Peoples,

It is I, Gary Van Meowski, official CHS office cat, premiere advice columnist, feline extraordinaire and 2014 Dog Jog victor. You may have noticed it has been a while since my last advice column on here. You have only the peoples to blame as they took away my laptop. Now I must write my columns by candlelight in the evening hours when the office is abandoned. Yes, it is difficult, but I remain committed to sharing my advice with you.

Many of you have sent me questions about Dog Jog lately, and I cannot blame you. As the 2014 Dog Jog victor I am clearly the most obvious choice for advice on Dog Jog (and so many other topics). So today, I am unlocking the mystery that is my wonderous mind for your benefit.

 

Dear Gary,

Any plans for Dog Jog this year?

Signed,

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Yes. Given my incredible success last year, I have taken on the role as official coach to our latest and greatest feline face. Stella is taking on a new challenge this year as we work towards Catwalk 2015. We are meeting a lot of resistance so if you could support Stella in her efforts I would really appreciate it. You can find her campaign page HERE.

Signed,

– Gary Van Meowski.

 

Dear Gary,

I am a feline that would like to participate in Dog Jog, but my peoples are saying I can’t because it’s not for cats. What’s up with that?!

Signed,

Forgotten Feline

Dear Forgotten,

UNACCEPTABLE! This is exactly why we are taking on the Dog Jog this year. Too long have DOGS been the focus of our fundraising. WHAT OF THE NOBLE CAT, I ask you?!

FRIENDS! NOBLES! FELINE BRETHEREN! Take up our cause! Support Stella’s fundraising page (use your people’s CHS BMO Mastercard!) and JOIN US in our battle against the canine scourge! NOW is the time for CHANGE! NOW is the time for ACTION! NOW is the time for SHOE POOP! If that doesn’t get the message across I don’t know what will.

Signed,

– Gary Van Meowski

 

Dear Gary,

Last year I heard you were enjoying some catnip during Dog Jog? Any response to these accusations of performance enhancers?

Signed,

Covert Canine

Dear Covert,

LIES! All success with Catwalk 2015 [Editor’s note: DOG JOG!] will be drug free.

As for the catnip: Never tried it, never inhaled. Save the kittens. Gary for president 2016.

Signed,

 -Gary Van Meowski

P.S. Signing your letter Covert Canine kind of defeats the purpose… and this is why dogs cannot be trusted with spokes animal responsibilities.